This blog is small glimpses into my heart and soul - attempts to be transparent with friends, and sometimes, to myself. This is my safe place, where I can come and be purely Ness.

Family: If you found your way here, please do me a favor and don't poke through my closets, ok?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

My Great Lack of Like Minds

One of these days I might just start my own commune or something, I don't know. I've just been longing to find like minded mama's in my area. Just one would be great. One other mom who wouldn't find it odd that I still breastfeed my little one, or that he still sleeps in our family bed. One mom who cloth diapers her babes, carries them around in a beautiful carrier, chooses for their health not to vaccinate them, and speaks gently to them when they "misbehave." Occasionally, I can find someone who fills one or two of these criteria (baby wearing is becoming a popular trend), but never all. I know you are out there somewhere - "hello, lady." I see you roaming the internet, commenting on some of my favorite sites, writing your own blogs, or even reading this one, but when it comes to real life, you are as elusive as the unicorn.
This morning, I was at a play group Bug and I regularly attend, and a few of the mamas with littles under a year started to chat about formula, which ones they bought, which ones their babies would eat, how much they cost, etc. There was one other who mentioned she hadn't used formula, but pumped when she wanted to give a bottle, but at the same time, you could tell that no one thought it was at all strange that these babies were given formula as just a normal part of their lives. It's just another perfectly acceptable option for feeding your baby.
From there the conversation turned to videos and how much their little ones love to watch certain baby geared shows. One mom expressed her excitement on how a video of animals entranced her ten month old daughter and gave her twenty minutes of peace.
As I listened to these conversations, I realized how little I understand these mothers. I don't get how you can choose processed foods over natural ones. I think formula is a valid and needed choice for a mama who has no other options, who has worn her butt out trying to provide breastmilk for her little one and come up empty handed (although I see far too many mamas who feel they have done this, but are unaware of simple information that would have helped them out, such as: your baby crying every time you nurse does not mean he's not getting anything - it may be reflux, pumping is not indicative of what your baby is able to get - babies are designed to work the breast in ways pumps never could, and, reflux is most commonly a reaction to dairy - consider taking it out of your diet.) Back on track - even if  formula was the only option I felt I had, I would prefer to find an organic or homemade formula rather than buy the chemical filled cans that fill most grocery store shelves. I don't mean to write that I am some how better than these other moms because I breastfed exclusively for at least six months, but simply that I don't understand them. I can't get inside their heads, and I can't relate to them at all. Sometimes it feels like they are speaking a foreign language.
I don't understand how it can be such a hardship to spend time with your baby either, to be so desperate for twenty minutes of peace from her that a baby video is exciting for you. I mean, I could understand it intellectually if she was a really fussy or needy little one, but the (admittedly brief) time I see her, she seems to be a very happy, content, independent girl. Even for a fussy baby, I'm not sure I could emotionally understand the need for a break. A break from the fussiness, yes; a break from my baby, maybe not. Maybe I'm remembering through rosy glasses, but I do know that I always felt a little bit hurt when someone or something other than me was able to calm Bug down. Anyway, it just never occurred to me to put him in front of the tv to get him out of the way for a bit, so I have no understanding of how this mama mind works.
In the end, I just felt lonely. I had no way to connect with these mothers. No one to chat with about how my changing hormones might be affecting Bug through my milk, or how little sleep I've gotten lately due to him having a few very nurse-y nights, tossing and turning in my bed, or what cloth diapers might pull down easily for night time toilet training, or ideas on how to teach him how to be sorry when he hits his cousin, instead of just forcing him to say "sorry," or how to show others that just because I'm not yelling at my son, doesn't mean I'm not teaching him how to treat others with love.

(Sigh) I just need one or two like minded mamas, who I can sit down with and have a chat about being a mama, someone who gets they way I think, who understands where I'm coming from, and who can connect with my mama spirit.

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